Head Over Heels: I did that

January 26, 2011

I did that

I just got back to my desk from my lunch break. I'll be more specific. I just got back to my desk from the gym, where I ran a 5k on the treadmill. The machine I've been terrified to even walk by ever since I got injured back in October from over-use. I woke up this morning really frustrated. I procrastinated and didn't go to the gym, even though I got up at 5:30 and had enough time to go. I got to work and my gym-going friend, Giselle, said she wasn't going to make it to the gym with me today. "Okay," I said, "I don't really have to go." And that's true, I didn't have to go. But a small part of me wanted to. That small part of me felt ready to test my knee. "Just one mile," my stepmom cautioned. "Don't push it." But I felt ready. I felt scared, but I felt ready. After changing into my gym clothes, I entered the gym, willing my body to head straight to the treadmills, not letting myself even glace toward the more body-friendly elliptical. With a sigh, and perhaps a deathwish, I started to run. One mile later, I felt more confidant. Two miles later, I was smiling. 3 miles in, I was giggling to myself. The "I can do this" attitude adjusted to the new "I did that" attitude. Granted, it was a 5k which is nothing compared to the 1/2 marathon I did this past summer. Well, at least not distance-wise. But mentally, it's the same. Getting over that hill, getting to that finish line, learning to find the confidence within yourself, that all comes from the same place, no matter the distance, no matter if it's at the gym, outside, or in a race. Sometimes the biggest reward is just proving yourself right; sometimes it's just saying "I did that."

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Welcome to Head Over Heels!

Like many 20-something women, I woke up one morning exasperated. It seemed like every day I would find a new passion, a new dream, and get excited about yet another project, just to find that they would all crash and burn. I wanted something that I could control and that would be all mine.

Because our 20s are a time of exploration and discovery, it's very hard to find that path that directs us exactly to our dreams, especially because our dreams have the habit of evolving overnight. I had worn myself into a tizzy of exhaustion, disappointment, and an overwhelming sense of having no control over my own life. And that's when I went for that first run.

Two minutes later, I arrived back at my apartment steps, panting. As long and as torturous as those two minutes felt, they also gave me a sense of liberation, a feeling that had been severely lacking in my life. The next day, pathetically still sore, I again put on my sneakers. Three minutes, yes! This routine was repeated daily throughout the summer and now, I'm a half-marathoner! My ultimate goal, a marathon, still looms in the distant future, but the even bigger goal is one I can actively work on every day: learning to gain control over my own life and learning to fall in love with myself one step at a time.