April 23, 2011

Boston Marathon

It's been awhile since my last post, I know. I know. I've been meaning to write. That sounds like such a cheesy line an ex-lover would say when you awkwardly bump into them on the street: "I've been meaning to call you..." uncomfortable silence. Except there's no ex to blame the writing hiatus on. Only me. I've been running. I even ran my first 5 mile race on April 3, which is a major deal, considering I've been injured since October. But, I did it. And then my favorite day of the year (well, top three, anyway) just happened: Marathon Monday. The entire city of Boston basically shuts down and is taken over by runners decked out in every bright shade of rainbow. It's like someone got on a skyscraper and poured a giant skittles bag over the entire city. It's intoxicating.

Also, it's beyond inspiring. Especially this year. I spent the Sunday before MM with my step-mom; we volunteered the day before and then went to the Expo together. Being around thousands of excited runners gives you this charge of energy that's unlike any other rush. You literally want to run forever. The actual MM day I spent with my friend Alex. I woke her up bright and early and took her out for her first ever 4 mile jog. It was wonderful being able to share in someone else's "I did that" elation. I've been there many times and feeling proud in yourself is a feeling that'll never get old, I'm sure. After our run, and coffee reward, we watched the entire 26.2 elite race on her TV in Beacon Hill, and I cried like a baby when the world record was won. And watching the women sprint to the finish.

And of course, I cried watching Kara Goucher come in top-5. She's one of the most amazing runners. Watching her just gives me chills. I told myself I'd qualify for Boston, somehow, for next year. I'll be 25 and it'll be the 116th Boston Marathon (16 being my favorite number). I'm not sure if it's at all possible, especially since it hasn't even been a week and my confidence is already dissipating. But deep down, I am determined. I'll find a way. There's something about running that has my heart. Maybe because it requires a consistent effort on my part. It's essentially entirely up to me. There's something so liberating, and terrifying, in knowing that. But this year, I'm set on letting the liberating aspect win over the terrifying.

And knowing that, I know I can do it.
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Welcome to Head Over Heels!

Like many 20-something women, I woke up one morning exasperated. It seemed like every day I would find a new passion, a new dream, and get excited about yet another project, just to find that they would all crash and burn. I wanted something that I could control and that would be all mine.

Because our 20s are a time of exploration and discovery, it's very hard to find that path that directs us exactly to our dreams, especially because our dreams have the habit of evolving overnight. I had worn myself into a tizzy of exhaustion, disappointment, and an overwhelming sense of having no control over my own life. And that's when I went for that first run.

Two minutes later, I arrived back at my apartment steps, panting. As long and as torturous as those two minutes felt, they also gave me a sense of liberation, a feeling that had been severely lacking in my life. The next day, pathetically still sore, I again put on my sneakers. Three minutes, yes! This routine was repeated daily throughout the summer and now, I'm a half-marathoner! My ultimate goal, a marathon, still looms in the distant future, but the even bigger goal is one I can actively work on every day: learning to gain control over my own life and learning to fall in love with myself one step at a time.